Saturday, June 30, 2007

.gone not for too long.

was enlightening to meet old friends today.caught a movie with them.

then afterwhich met up with my love, kamal. i kinda feel so proud of him. he's in army now and seemed to be learning stuff. went to sheesha for a moment then went to vie bar to finish up my bottle. got a lil high.(:

midthrough my baby,love,honey,sayang,FUZZY WUZZY. thank you my love for dropping by. i know you were tired.seeing you made my day. and to seeyou look oh so darn nice made it much worthwhile. you looked magnificent.(: if only i could fold you into my bag and bring you to kl and we can have a real good time shopping with my mom.(:

the feeling is wierd.unexplainable.whenever i seeyou. my heart light up till it melts. make my tummy go round and round. make me smile. make me have butterflies in my stomach. my friend once told me to live a life that people would love to read about. and i would like to have your name written in that life of mine. regardless the duration. every second spent with you will always be kept in a small diary in my heart. every action you make is captured in my brain.every second lost is a heartache. i could spend the whole night just being with you and not say anything but just listen to you breathe. i can see us together as one. i can see us together and be free. no one is holding us back. the people watching above us in this long drop has a big smile and not having any worries. they shouldnt. cause my heart has settled down. settled down right outside your door. waiting forever for that door of yours to be unlocked and open. i would wait for as long as i could to wait for that door of yours to be unlocked and be with you. nothing is a farfetched attempt when it concerns you. you can say all you want that this is all sweet words i would say cause its the "honeymoon period". but i would like to prove that wrong. im not like any of your previous ones. im not anyway the same. not one bit. i will want to show you the real meaning of love. how its supposed to be.how beautiful it is. not like how you've been through.its gonna be beautiful epic story.i promise you this.

sometimes you scare me when you say your'e scared if whether i can take you as you. but i will telll you for sure, im up for it.

at certain times i might feel uncertain about things happening that involves me. but you.when you turn up everything seems secure.its that security that ive been vying for. none of which ive gotten. but only you. you somehow have that.

gonna be away for a short period of time. but its gonna be long without you by myside. gonna missyou so much but my love for you would still be strong as ever.hugs.

goodbye everyone.im high(:

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

.EightofNine.

Reassurance is what we both need. im always gonna give you that.


i'll break that barrier but you have to give me the right tools to do so.

i'll need to be given directions to that barrier.i'll do whatever it takes to break it.

lets open up an empty book and write down a whole new story bout us.

lets hold hands and never let go. i want to spend my day with you and not worry bout time.

i won't let go of you. no i wont.cause i'm in love with my fuzzy wuzzy.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

.Feel me.

my back hurts really bad. im hungry.sleepy. back is really sore

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

.No i won't.

i spent the whole night
cant stop waiting for you
but i think you wont be home tonight
to hold on you tight.
i cant wait for one day
where you'll end up at my place.
and never worry about time.
feelings occur when you're in love
so will you take my hand
cause
no i won't let go of all the things that we have.
no i wont give up of you not just yet
in this balcony we shall dance
once the clouds above us clears up
forever in you i will get lost
forever in me you'll be free
even if i know i might fall ill go on nonetheless
its never a far-fetched attempt when it concerns us
tomorrow will always be surprise
you just have to embrace yourself
for the worst, for the best
cause
no i wont let go of the things that we have
no i wont give up of you just yet
in this balcony we shall dance
once the clouds above us clears up
no i wont
no i wont

Sunday, June 17, 2007

.Sensitive.

the other night when i bumped to him. first impression i knew straight away he was reallly really down. as we continued conversing, he sounded more depressed. my heart shrank. i felt really sorry for him. the moment he left, i felt like crying. crying for he is doing his best to be strong and not let go and just fall. crying for i cant do anything to help. i felt so useless. all i could say was be strong. how pathetic. well i really feel for you bro. you'll make it.i know.

Then the same night at home, conversing with her, i too felt like crying during one of the topics that we spoke off. me being too nice. thats where it all started me to think. how not to be nice. and how vulnerable i am to people stepping on my head. i always thought your loved ones will be the least likely to do that but previous relationships have proven me wrong. baby, prove that its true. i still believe that its not true.
The following day,at work, the entire 11 hours, i spent my time alone. that didnt help me. no it didnt. negative thoughts all went in. spent almost throughout the 11 hours, just feeling negative,sad,sensitive,lacking self-esteem. then when i met her, i just sank. sank really deep. so deep i had to hold back a tear. till now i dont know why. throughout the night i was really sensitive about stuff. i tried to block it off by stoning but that actually made it worst. but love, when you asked me am i ok, it felt really good.really. i felt much better.


i'm having one of those periods. a point of time when i start to doubt my own abilities. see things negatively and in the end i feel sad and suffer. i needyou to give me assurance. keep my chin up.

even to you ill be sensitve. especially you actually.
do you want to know why?
cause you mean something to me.every single you make create emotions to me cause i like to notice.
hope its not scary because its not suppose to be scary. i notice cause my mind is filled up by you.during work all i could think of was you. wondering what you were doing and concluded in the end you were sleeping(: so didnt want to bother you.i'll only disturb your sleep if i need to wake you up or i have to tell you something important.a lot of people in vivo city started looking like you. when she hugged me, i lit up a moment hoping it was you. but to my dismay it wasnt.


im the kind of guy will hang on to what you say and will straight away letgo if your actions
contradicts it.not really straight away. more of doubt.but all it takes to fix it is reassurance.that was what was lacking in my previous relationship. only now have i realised i need reassurance.


hope its not a farfetched thing to do. hope im not asking too much. if it is. tell me.ill understand.

as for this phase im going through. im pretty sure it'll be over really soon. like in 5 mins? heh.

toodles everyone.

where's my fuzzy wuzzy

Saturday, June 16, 2007

.its you and me.

its been a long while since i felt this way.
no one knows what i feel
you are the reason which is keeping me breathing.
breathing to see what will happen tomorrow.
you keep me on my toes.
not so as to creep but to be aware of whatever is happening.
i want to fall away with you.
with you in my arms that all matters regardless the consequences.
i want to hold you close but im worried itll make you feel restricted.
i want to kiss you but i'm scared you feel to doted.
i want to fall for you but im scared you'll doubt it.


take away all of those will you.
the buts.
lets take a ride.to the sunset.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

.Venture in this darkness.

venture with me in this darkness
our deepest fears should be left behind
i hope we will be just fine
and you're not far behind.
together we will roam inside
and discover new things outside
just hope we wont forget one thing
what you mean to me

oh why
did you left me behind.
oh why
did you leave me on the ground
oh why
oh why
oh why can't i see



ahh. still not done. a random song(:

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

.This brilliant dance.

i'll lead you to where we should go. but you have to find your steps.

i'll take your hand to take you to where we belong, but you have to know which hand is mine.

i'll be by your side to help you overcome your fears. but you have to find it in yourself first to be able to overcome it.

you need strength,courage,self confidence,motivation,pillar of strength,a net to catch you if you fall.

i can give you all that but only one thing i cant give you. the mental strength to stay focused, learn and adapt.

but i'll always be there to help you if you need me.i promise.even if i cant do anything to help.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

.you're all that i need.

flutter i feel.
smiles.
laughs.
thats what you give.

kisses and hugs.
is what i love.

Friday, June 08, 2007

.Will you take me deeper now.

im scared i might get lost.
this jungle is so thick and dark i cant even see my fingers.
it scares me to pieces.
its not that i dont want to venture in this jungle.
with you especially.
but im just scared ill end up in a swamp.
ill take your hand if you take mine.
and together we will walk side by side and not worry bout time.
i want to fall for you.
but will you let me?
will this jungle be too dark for me to know why im falling?
i certainly hope its not.
i certainly hope the torch that i brought along will work.



i want to kiss you underneath the stars.

just now we were talkin about fate.
fate to me is the decisions that we make. and thus the decision will lead to fate.
its decision that we make that somehow we are fated to make.
but having fate is one thing but doing things that leads to fate leads is another.
i think it was fate that we met up again once more after ages last seeing you.and the decision leading to it was sheena deciding to bring you down to meet up with us.
things happen for a reason and somehow that is fate.
fate is a strong and subjective word but i simply love it.
if not for fate. i wont be here sitting down on my chair thinking of you whilst you are at home sleeping.

i want you here in my arms.
i want to feel your lips once more.
killing time is no more a problem
cause with you around, it feels so fast.


hope this would last.hope you feel the same way too.
hope you would say i loveyou too.

Questions can be anything. answers will only mean one thing.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

.Cupids chokehold.

if i had to choose her over the sun
i'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man I swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And I would still cherish every moment
And when I start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here


simple yet so beautiful.

if that ain't love then i dont know what love is.


waaaaa.nice.
got a brand new phone!(: bye sally hello joan.hahaha.

i want to be awake and cherish every single moment of this.
this pureness, the simplicity of things.
sing her songs and put her to bed.
roll off the bed.
err.wait.thats not it.
its beautiful thats how i'd like to put it.simply pure.
THEN comes the bitch.
PROJECTS.
fucking swine.
it shall be commencing soon.
ergh.
go away. stay away from me projects. you are a disease carrier. you bring me tiredness, stress,fuck.fuck,fuck. well.look on the bright side johnny. you'll be ending school in about 2 months or so.hmm. you are so right. i am.weee. i got a job! becoming acid empire's temp soundman! hopefully ill get a permanent post with them.i'd simply love it.(:

wagawagawoo!

Monday, June 04, 2007

.Take me deeper now.

ahh. finally my head feels lighter. every part of me feels lighter.

THIS is how i should feel. this is what i want to feel.




my voice sounds cute apparently when im high.hahahahahaha. goddammit. that is so fuckin difficult to imagine and im not gonna.haha. such a scary thought.

i dont know if ive posted this before but im still gonna say it. someone told me last time im romantically clumsy yet it is nice. am i? and hows that like?

ask me more questions. tell me more bout you.make me nervous. make my heart pound faster.make me think all the time. i love all that. dont ever stop asking me questions. knowing someone takes 5 mins but understanding oneself takes an eternity.

think im falling deep.looking up i see people smile looking down at me. that smile on their face made me realise it is a good thing. and i feel the same way. but that smile on their faces gave me more assurance. this time round i want to fall deeper.

that mess has been somewhat cleared. but i feel it was a blessing in disguise. if not for the mess i sometimes wonder would we ever question ourselves. this concerns to everyone and to me most. i wonder would i ever think of what i wanted. it made me realise that somehow you mean something to me. something that i would never thought of. but dont get me wrong. im not trying to sound uncertain. i am certain. this is so blissful. me and you. sometimes the thing that you least expect to work out or happen can be the most beautiful thing.like the song says after all this while never thought i'd be here.

will you take me deeper now?

Saturday, June 02, 2007

.Dry.

Wipe that tear of your eye i will for i will stay.

drunk.sleepy.goodnight.loveyou and everyone

Friday, June 01, 2007

.Don't go away.

there's alot of things to say
about the things gone in my mind.
so dont go away
say what you say.
say that you'll stay
forever and a day in the time of my life.
for i need more time.
yes i need more time
just to make things right.
damn my situation and the games i have to play
and the things gone in my mind.
i wanna be there when youre falling down
and i wanna be there when you hit the ground.
me and you whats going on.
dont go away
say what you say
say that you'll stay.
forever and a day in the time of my life
for i need more time
yes i need more time
just to make things right



i rightly believe so.somehow it fits me well.



will you stay? wait for everything to clear up.
and for me to sober down. im not like this.
things suppose to be so beautiful eventhough it is but more carefree.
not worrying about what people would say because they cant say anything.
so what if we are holding hands. it means nothing from the outside.but deep inside is only gonna matter to both of us.dont you thing so girl?

i hate it when i hear things bout me.
things that arent supposed to be said.
things that are not real.
surreal as you would like to put it.
surreal things have to ways.
good or bad.
good is fantastic.


eventhough i said friends matter to me most but you still matter to me somehow.
cause im not gonna let go such a beautiful thing such as this so easily.
im loving every single moment of this.

but you just have to toxicate this fairy tale like how things in the past has happened.you as being the other person.
cant you just let us be.
let us be free
and never worry
bout the things we are gonna do.
question your own insecurities and satisfy your own lack of self esteem, self confidence and inferiority. we cant do anything but watch.
we learn from our mistakes. its about time you learn too. dont ever blame on your lack of relationships for causing this mess. its never about that. its all about you being so immature, naive, gullible, oblivious and SELFISHNESS.

PERIOD

my brain has been really swamped with alot of things and i feel somehow im beginning to be really confused. i can just walk away from all this bullshit that you're creating and care for myself. why would i want to be bothered by all these that is niggling pain in my ear.



because i care.