. Fret not .

damn disappointed with you.

why the sudden nonsense?

fuck. you're such a kid. this is all bullshit. all over what? me not hanging with you. for crying out loud, 

WHAT THE FUCK. act your age will you? fuck. this is a waste of my time. don't get me wrong. i treasure every friendship. but the way you're being oh so dramatic and emotional about it just disgusts me. 

you of all people should know me well enough. i tend to disappear from time to time. i need my fucking space from being around with a lot of people.

do i always have to explain myself. fuck no. 

you don't know me? speak for yourself.

i barely know you. not after all those lies and charades that you put up. fuck. kau bodoh-bodohkan kita semua sial. you have the heart to say you don't know me? HA!!

you're a joke. take not i don't hold any grudges against you but i' m just damn damn disappointed. me your idol? what the fuck have i shown you then if this is how you handle things? 

one thing i've learn from all this nonsense is that the more you push and pester to meet up or what not, the more i tend to resist. i don't know why but i think its because i get damn irritated. 

ERGH!

you suck i win

. I know I suck .

last night when you called and you were weeping your way throughout the conversation, my heart sank to an all time low. even though i couldn't make up a single thing you said, it still was heart-wrenching.

one thing's for sure i know was the person who cause you to cry. that person is that dumb ass crack vaginal ex of hers. he is mentally retarded. if you know me well enough, i 'm not the kind that gives out negative impressions on people but this guy is an exception. not because he is her ex but he is just plain retarded. hope you burn in hell sonny.

that aside, after you hung up. i felt like shit. useless. helpless. there you were in need of help but i just couldn't do anything to help. fuck i hate that feeling. sometimes i feel yeah i suck. for all the kindness i can give but when it matters most i can't do anything. i felt so useless yesterday night. all i could do was to calm you down but even that i couldn't do. 

i'm beginning to wonder can i always be there for her?

i want to. but i lack the resources. i'm willing to do anything to give what she needs,what she desire.

but reality is hurtful at times. maybe i have to accept the fact im no superman. 

i compare myself to other guys out there and i sense i lack a lot.

firstly, the stupid curfew my momma gives me(yeah i know, what a loser.) and the undeniable fact of me feeling anxious whenever momma calls me to go home. i fear this for saturday is your favourite day and i don't want it to be any different. but stupid curfews. fucking hell.

its not that i don't want to spend late nights with you. i would love to. everynight. if we didn't have to go home and stay up all night together everyday, i would grab that opportunity.everytime when we go out, how i wish it never has to end. 

can i put you in my pocket and bring you home?

then there is mode of transportation. traveling has been one of the biggest issue that i have encountered recently. if only we were neighbours. how easy it would be for us. we can sneak out everynight, get a cup of noodles and eat our hearts away.

IFs. that somehow sums up most of my life. lotsa IFs.

but one thing is for sure, i believe that my sincerity, love, care and respect for you outshines all of that. i really hope it does for if not, i'm a nobody.

i'm not complaining though, just bringing up some concerns that i have that might jeopardize our relationship.

i am different. i am yours.

. Seek Refuge .

such people exists in this earth.

long since i last felt so damn pissed.

tsk. please just fuck off will you. stop messing with her head. you insult her. you're insulting me as well. fucking piece of shit. you don't deserve to be given the chance to live. thats how insane and low. you deserve to feel like shit. you know why? because you don't know how its like to be loved, to love someone and to be kind. people like you are the reason why sometimes this world is so damn fucked. 

you seek refuge in all these mind games so just to make you feel better, to overcome the jealousy in you. you let go all your sense of integrity and respect of a woman just to mess us up. i've got news for you. nothing that you're gonna say is going to bring us down. nothing. 

you seek refuge amongst all these because you're weak. 

bleargh. you suck

don't worry huns. we WILL get through all these atrocities and unnecessary company. you've got my word. what don't break us make us stronger. and nothing's gonna break us. what's your problem is mine and what is mine is yours. most importantly, we shall get through this TOGETHER.

if only we could fly and be free.

no one bothering us

somewhere no one can see.

just you and me

forever happy.

flying amongst the stars

healing all your scars

but god is fair 

and is always there

never lose faith

for we will get through this unscathed.

loveyou.

. Hole in my Pocket .

 hello. its about time i set myself to update my blog. uh huh . over the past few weeks nothing much has changed. except that i had to make a key decision that will affect a major bit of my life. It provided me with a dilemma. one that i wished i didn't have. i had to decide on whether to sign on for a career with the police force for at least 5 years. to keep things short. in the end i did sign up. hopefully it gets approved. *fingers crossed*

life has still been rosy for me. syukur allhamdullilah. not considering the fact that financially wise i 'm  on the downside. ergh. its all because of my fine and the result of people not paying me back their debts. lesson to be learnt. don't borrow people large amount of money even if its your closest of friends for it will cause some tension and adversity just like mine. no matter how much i would like to ignore the fact that he seems to be avoiding the topic, the thing is i can't. not that i hate him. but more of disappointment. this is all about integrity and basic respect and responsibility. when you borrow someone else's money, you are responsible to pay him/her back. there's no need to let the other party know to pay you back right. so what does that say of you if you do otherwise. where's your integrity? its a total different complexion or rather situation if he/she offers to borrow you money. you get it right? but howells, i can wait. if i dont get it so be it. i'm not the kind that argues over money. easier said than done but i'm pretty sure i can do that.

aida.if you're reading this. loveyou! =)

loving every minute spent with you.

hope this will never change.

this is our fate, i'm yours.

. Kiss & Tell .

life's been really good to me but im not gonna be counting the chickens just yet for i hope better things will come soon. firstly, i can finally sleep at ease. i know i didnt mention that i got enlisted for army on the 5th june. WELL now i can happily say, IT GOT POSTPONED! AAAAAND. pes status is no longer under the obese category. phew. the thought of spending 2 years with obese people( nothing personal) is just really mindfreaking. the SMELL,oh my god. the smell. argh.hahaha.

oh oh. but there is bad news though. and it hit me real hard. a friend of mine(sort of) was diagnosed with diabetes. shit. and he's like in his late twenties. fuck. that gotta suck really bad. and doctor said he is gonna slip into a coma any time. the thing is he just got married a few months back. ahh. apparently the doctor said his diabetes is really bad. after absorbing all the details, i freaked out. so from now on. im gonna cut down on sweet drinks,fast food and all those unhealthy stuff. you guys should too. for life aint gonna be rosy all the way if you dont take care of it. 

PICTURE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

the things we do when we're bored.