shit. i don't know what to do

today has been the laziest day of the month.

lazied around at home. suddenly i find myself at my aunt's place. then stoned there not knowing what is going around.

went back home. lazied around again.


numb laaa.i think im numb thats why.numbess from what i wonder.from the ill feeling that i had since what?a year ago? man, thats a heck of a long time.sometimes i wonder if im really over it or am i just dwelling on it but not feeling negative about it.but sometimes i wonder is it really because of what happened last time?
cause im not sure myself. like they say, " feelings happen and we dont really know why "
i would love to know why. cause i need to get out from this rot ive been swamped in. this rot has not been anywhere healthy for me. even im rotting. rotting from emptiness. i need food to be filled in my heart. food being love. my heart has been shrinking.shrinking ever since ive been numb. it all just started not knowing when not knowing why.

but i'll always tell myself this.what you never had you'll never miss.what you'll never get, you'll always miss.

i need to conjure myself to narrate a beautiful story of you and us, but i dont know how when where to begin.