. Self righteousness .

am at work now. can't sleep cause have to man the desk. stupid. life has been kind to me. had its ups and downs. since the time i last blogged, i have been gaining lot of weight man. its kinda fucking depressing to have people make jokes about your tits you know. fuck. so as of yesterday i have made a plea to myself to do something about this. i want all those jokes to end. fuck. my self esteem,confidence is all flat now. its not about trying to impress people on how my body looks but more to feeling good about yourself. by feeling good about oneself, then he can face the world better and be more confident in everything that he do.hope god will give me the strength and will to help me through this. i'll show that i can.

ambulance life is somewhat enlightening. other than those stupid misleading calls, i tend to get to see all kinds of people and the situation that they are in. one that stands out in my mind is seeing old people needing ambulance assistance. there was once this case, an old lady complained of having a bad headache. After getting her history, i realised what a sad life she has to go through now. i may not know her but i know she doesnt deserve it. she is living with her husband in a one room flat, has 4 daughters and NONE has ever visited her since she got married. that is such a sad thing man. 4 daughters and none visited? i believed she raised her children well but is this how they repay back to her? not that she asks for it but she deserves it right? the only reason why she has a bad headache was her tv broke down,the only source of happiness and entertainment that she has and couldnt sleep because of that.

i came to a realisation.that this is not an isolated case. i've seen a lot of such situations in the six months i've had so far. i've seen a mother wanting to commit suicide because her son wants her out of his house. fucking cold hearted. how can we do such things to our mother?

our mother raised us up to who we are now. she moulded us to be a better person and have a successful life.even if we fail in life, our mother are the only one that won't degrade us.she love us for who we are and for that we should forever love her for who she is.we owe everything to our mother. without her we are nothing.

" My Words "

my driving test is like coming real sooooon. argh. according to my instructor ive got not enough lessons and ive not been going to recent lessons to. damn. not my fault sia.

station life is good. the people in my rota are fun and funny. no pain in the ass people. cept for one though. haha.no need to go on any further on that.

me and my baby, we are going oh so damn great! can't ask for things to get any better! so in love with her! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. heh heh.

recently just celebrated her birthday. though a simple one glad she loved it! =) anyways baby here's a better birthday card for you kaay. hope its better heh.

babylove,

being with you has been the best ride of my life so far. we've been through alot yet we are still strong together. i don't care if you're blunt, fickle-minded or what nots. i just want to be with you and you're love is enough for me to go through each day smiling gleefully. seeing you always make my day. your laughter can light up the whole room.i'd do anything just to be with you. i'd sit for hours with you and listen to you talk.your hugs always send shivers down my spine. i dont need medicine when im sick. all i need is you.You have been the most understanding and patient girlfriend ever! you are the best! =) whenever i kiss you, i'd wish time will stop. whenever im with you, i'd wish it stays like that for eternity.

it was tough in the beginning yes, but as we go on, rather than getting succumbed to all the problems, we grew stronger.people said you were a bad person last time. i didn't care because last time was not my problem. never have i been in such a long relationship. never have i been so in love with a girl.that girl is you.

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY AGAIN BABYLOVE! I LOVEYOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! MMMUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

.quite some time.

been months since i last updated. quite busy with work and not been in the mood to blog. haha. 

life's in central fire station has been, well pretty good. lotsa ambulance call. seen 3 dead bodies. two fall from height and one a busted ankle. pretty gross.

hows my life? nothing much to say bout. content with it. ok lazy want to type already. maybe next time i shall update with proper

.disillusioned .

never have i fel very disappointed with my ownself. sometimes i wish if i could only turn back time and undo the wrong that i have done. things that i'm not proud of. things that people will despise me upon realisation. i really wish that was possible. i would give up everything to turn back time.

what have i done so far to make you proud?

am i what you pictured to grow up to be?

it kills me to know ive done lots of things that saddens you. but things have happened and there's no point in dwelling on it. nonetheless i sincerely apologise and vouch to do my very best to make you proud.

sorry ayah.i never meant to hurt you, to make you cry.thats the last thing i will ever want to do. i love you.

. Traces of history.

baby is away for her school trip to KL. i am missing her already. boo. 

come back soon k baby.

NS life is such a bore especially now undergoing medic training. fuck the instructors are such a pain in the ass. step kilat only. nabeh. the only thing that is holding me from wanting to out of course is my desire to aquire the medic skills and also life at station. heard its good. 2 day work 2 day off. ahh. that i hope will be good.

recently left caravent. or rather they kicked me out. in truth it hurt abit being kicked out of a band for i know i only showed them very little of what im able to do.they also didn't give me ample time. seems like they are rushing for time. partly thats the reason why i agreed to leave. i feel they are rushing things too fast and at the same time not having the initiative to tell me of their plans. leaving it to me to approach them with my hectic weekday stay in camp schedule.plus i also feel that i was never attached to this band as a whole. at times i felt left out during jam sessions. "we don't know how its like to have a vocalist" they say. fuck it. 

so as for now im conjuring up a new line-up. which so far has eugene. baby's gonna tryout for the drums. other than that we are short of a few more people. most definitely a bassist and a guitarist.for me this will be extra motivation because i want to prove to them that i have it.they were wrong all this while.

oh. celebrated my 21st birthday.woooo. had a surprise birthday party at my house. hahaha. i was fucking shocked i tell you. was from soccer and the moment i opened my house door my group of friends jumped in front of me with baby carrying the birthday cake. haha. first time sia have a birthday surprise. eventhough things didn't go as planned due to wet weather i was ecstatic and very happy that all my close friends and the most important person,baby was there to bask on my special day. thank you everyone for the lovely gesture. love you all.

need new material for songs. shit.

. Dynamite .

woowee. lotsa things to catch up on. its as if this blog is dead. aiya. no time lah. POP ALREADY.wooooooooooo! like finally. 

got posted to medic so i'll have to go through 6 weeks of theory and fucking injections. wearghh. patience haikal, after this life will be good.

damn i miss my brtc life already. how things seems to be so easy even with the regimentation. over at cda the fucking medic instructors nak step on je.

my birthday is coming soon! ahhhhhhhhhh! turning 21 already. so damn fast man. still vividly remember my 20th birthday. hahaha. celebrated valentines recently with babylove. was my first ever celebrated valentines.wished it turned out much better though. sorry sayang! but nonetheless im very happy now being with her and how thing's have been going on.nothing much to complain. 

oh except for caravent and me have separated mutually. dang. howells. i don't lose anything.

my birthday wish will be to lose my tummy by the end of the year! hopefully it will come true. a but as for now, i think im at the fittest shape in my life. hahaha. finally pass my 2.4km! hahaha. first time ever! now what's left is my pull ups. with the help of my brand new bench press and pull up bar, i think that will be possible. heh. we shall see.

certain things i've not been able to do eversince serving ns and how i've missed it dearly.

1. waking up on late afternoons

2. meeting baby almost every day(surprised how we manage to adjust to things now)

3.playing soccer frequently

4.watching soccer

5. meeting my friends randomly for supper

6. having long hair

bah ns. faster ord lah

. Down Under .

hate this feeling. sucks.