. True Love waits .

New  Zealand was such a blissful trip. fantastic place. so peaceful. the entire 11 days i was there, i completely forgot all about my worries. it really set my mind at ease. just what i needed. it made me think straight. ahhhhh. gerek.haha

beautiful scenery. beautiful people. especially the ladies. rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i've stopped practising my sweet nothings to you. 

but yet i believe true love waits.

no more headaches, no more depression, no more heartaches, no more nonsense. im back and im gonna be whack.

fuck out.

. True Love waits .

.My sweet nothing.

im scared to be alone.

i thought you were scared.

i guess it was me all along.

im petrified to be alone.

you chose the right word. scared. i am.

but what i have in my head is all wishfull thinking.

i'll never achieve it. you're gone for good.

im still gonna believe otherwise until i recieve a word from you to confirm it.

.Come back down.

straing back a face

a memory cant be erased

I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
And everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide

All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

Start to breathe and fake a smile
It's all the same after a while
I know, that you are tired
Carrying the ones you lost
A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside

I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

You're coming back down
You say you feel lost can I help you find it
When you come around
From time to time we all are blinded
You're coming back down
You don't have to tell me what you're feeling
I know what you're going through
I won't be the one that lets go of you

I think it's time to just move on

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

When you come back down
If you land on your feet
I hope you find a way to make it back to me
When you come around
I'll be there for you
Don't have to be alone with what you're going through

i believe.

.imissyou.

i missyou so much.

like how the desert misses the water.

i needyou so much.

like how the plant needs the sun.

been drinking all this while to just drown my sorrows away. to drown my emptiness.i dont know why im thinking of you all the time.it burns like the poison in the pill. everyday i wake up,ill always sleep back after seeing no messages from you. no intention to meet the day knowing im not seeing you.been terrible all this way knowing i dont have you. you can say "ahh, he's just like this because of his ego or this will end soon". everynight i pray, hoping the next time i open my eyes, you've figure out what you want and what you need. and that is me.boldly,ill say to you this.i dont want to run away anymore.

i tried not acknowledge you just now when i came down to parkway. i tried to pretend i didnt care. but i just couldnt. i know charlene told you what i told her just now. its just the fact i can't bring myself to tell you that.

call me psychotic,stalker,wierdo,desperate or whatever you want. because i know im not. all i want is you. there is no one else.who can take your place.

i greatfully miss your laughter, your pinches, your mood swings, your stubborness.your everything.

just now we were talking about kamal's birthday bash. and it reminded me that was the first time we actually went out together.we started to see each other. i still remember that night when we were outside mos,sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, you said"i still wanna party". and i asked belle for your number cause i didnt have the guts to ask it from you.then we went out for the first time, we went to far east.to east coast to eat.rojak. i still remember that.sat  we were walking thru the new build thingy dont know what its called and i gave some money to the handicapped elderly, and you said how sweet of me to do that.down at the ridge and just talked and talked.then came the twist about someone disagreeing us seeing each other. we fought through it.we were still unsure about what was going on between us then you came over to my place. i kissed you and you said"what was that for?"i told you "it doesnt matter" and continued. brought you to take the dhl ballooon. ate at arab st. went to the zoo for the whole day.

all of that is still vivid in my mind. thats how much i cherish it. thats how much you mean to me.

sigh.

you're like a burning candle. a gentle wind will blow off the flame away.thats how precious and fragile your love is. its so meticulous.

my friends now dont even bother to listen to me when i tell them how im feeling now because ive been saying it since the day we called it quits.every single day.

im not trying to win your sympathy here but just so that you know.by the time you read this prolly im in newzealand already.but it doesnt matter. just as long as you read it.

my dear fuzzy wuzzy, pinky bear misses you dearly and he cares for you still greatly.he still longs to hold you tight and gaze the night sky with you.it hurts not being with you and i can't take it anymore.

pinky bear

.imissyou.

.Distraught i am.

she's not gonna see me before i go off.honestly it breaks my heart.

but then again why should i be broken hearted. we are not together anymore. we are simply just friends. i need to get it in my system.WE ARE JUST FRIENDS.god.

why is it so difficult for me this time. why am i not itching to leave. why am i still lingering around. i have to end this. its killing me sometimes.yes sometimes.sometimes she just pops up in my head. it is so vivid,the image stays there for a long time. it drives me crazy.i need to move on. like real quick. she's not coming back. why am i being such an idiot.i know she's not coming back.why am i being so melodramatic.FUCK I HATE THIS.FUCKING HATE THIS.

then they say im being denial to my feelings.im just trying to prevent myself from getting hurt they say.AM I?

am i not suppose to move on?

am i not suppose to believe she's not coming back?

am i not suppose to stop thinking of her?

they say i should get back to her. they say it seems i regretted calling it quits.

are they right?

will this haunt me?

have i made the wrong decision?

they say im being delusional.

they say ive wasted 6months of my life.HA

im afraid to tell you that i made the wrong decisions if thats true.

im afraid to tell you that im still in love with you if thats true.

im afraid you'll just push me away, i know thats true.

im afraid you'll take me as one desperate hopeless guy,i hope thats not true.

im afraid im gonna get hurt if i tell you ive made a mistake in letting you go.

im afraid you'll just walk away.

the last part may be inevitable. thats why im afraid to do anything now even if its gonna haunt me for god knows how long.

i thank god everynight that we still keep in touch. i thank god that nothing sour happened after i call it quits. i dont want to do anything that will rattle or even make me lose what we are having now. i dont want to ask for too much. 

oh fucking god. why am i sounding such a melodramatic loser.

maybe im just being delusional. but one thing's for sure. im still not over you.

and ive gotta figure out why.