. It sucks, forever .

time and time again, the same thing happened. why do i deserve such fate. maybe thats too strong of a word. why do i deserve such luck. do i not deserve at least the decency of pity from people. maybe respect is too much to ask. so i ask for pity. pity me for not having the upper hand in things that i should dominate. pity me for being irresponsible. i'm begging you people. please. these treatment is killing me slowly as i succumb to the truth of things. i can't take being treated with ill respect. knowing i exist in one's life yet ignoring that simple fact.

 

it sucks knowing you're not as good as you think you were.

it sucks feeling afraid.

it sucks knowing perhaps for all these while in life, you were at fault.

it sucks being stepped over all the time.

it sucks when it goes in a cycle all the time.

it sucks having no respect shown.

it sucks feeling helpless.

it sucks feeling useless.

it sucks knowing you suck.

it sucks, forever.

my heart is crying out for help. call me emotional. 

but to say the least, im not delusional.

i deserve better. but why. why the fucking hell is it repeating itself. fuck. it fucking kills me. mother fucker. it fucking bothers me a lot nothing could be put to blame on me and her. maybe me but not her.she's been perfect. i can't ask for more. nothing is anywhere close. i apologize for all these problems that happened. she don't deserve such luck. should've known better of this selfless ignorant pain in the ass people. FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.FUCK. i should've fucking known better. FUCKING CHEEBYE . 

but for all this. i'm not anywhere near giving up. but its almost a certainty. i've given up on trusting other guys related to her. i'm sorry. yeah self-centered, but its about time i start thinking for my fucking self.why should i fucking bother about other people that i don't relate to. all i get is shit.

i vow to learn from all these but i need guidance, patience, faith and a good sense of understanding.

my head is hurting damn bad. my eye crying for mercy. my body begging for forgiveness to rest. but nothing would give in till my mind can rest at ease.

i love her so much. i really really do. i'll do whatever it takes to make things much easier, better and unforgettable.i promise her that.

breathe,eat,sleep. its all about her.can't do without it.

she's my cinderella.