.ruing the day that never came.

suddenly it sank in.

what do i see myself doing in 5 to 10 years time?

i don't fucking know. eversince that infamous police panel interview, questions kept coming. from time to time, my brain just refuse to rest. i need to find a purpose. i need to find that answer real quick. i want to kickstart my life back.its been way too fucking long being in this "vacation". i need to set out priorities. what do i want? what do i need? where should i go? how should i achieve it?

ambitions sometimes will just stay as ambitions. i cannot afford to take another wrong step. you only got one try in life and the world is sometimes not benign to give you a second chance. 

everyday i pray to god to show me the right path in life, to open up my eyes, to enlighten my soul.

its been really tormenting. this is one big test. hope im strong enough.i need answers really soon. i need to have a perspective on what i want to do. for 2 years i greet every new day with lethargicness and no purpose. fuck. i've had enough.until then i'm going to rue the day that seems further than i thought. the day when i have a purpose.to make things clear when i say purpose it means, something to go for you know. like a job that kind of thing. and no im not being suicidal. haha. just that im sick of tired of this phase of my life.